Chita staff part II
so i just had a drink at the bar at Chita, and when i started to walk back to my room to do work and prepare for tomorrow's workshop, one of the girls who serves food linked into my arm and started walking with me to my room.
during previous trips she used to work the breakfast shift, starting my day with friendly joyful chatter, recounting her struggles with further education in a chirpy manner and updating me on the latest gossip of Chita staff and Chita management. The first day that i came back this time, she slid up to me and told me in a conspiratorial voice that she had to tell me something.. aah.. but not now, eyes shining and a secretive smile on her face.
I had forgotten until she walked me to my room, waited for me to open the door and came in with me. 'I'm pregnant', she said. With a smile on her face, averting her eyes and not saying much else for a bit. I noticed I wasn't sure how to react. A stream of questions started racing through my head - Was she happy? Was it planned? How óld is she anyway? Was she going to ask me for money? Would she still be able to work? Would I give her money, and if so how much? Was I going to give some structurally, put aside some every month to help out? How did I feel about her going to ask me for money, we had always been so friendly, girly confidantes, open and sincere, how was this changing how I felt towards her? If I gave her money, what would happen with the other staff who I have been friendly with over the years, and who have sick/illiterate/old dependants or babies and equally as miserly salaries?
So I started asking her some of them.
- Wow, that really is a big bit of news, uhm, was it planned?
- No, no. It just happened... so what can you do.. keep it.
- How far along are you?
- Well the doctors they say that the date is end of June, but I don't know.
- What date is the end of June?
- When the baby is coming!
I looked at her belly through the thick winter jacket and saw a small protrusion, but she definetely didn't look 8 months pregnant..
- Are you sure?
- (laughing). Ha, that's what I said! But you know the doctors, they started saying, you don't believe us? we are professionals! you think you know better than us? You know what doctors are like, they can Scream at you, although the nurses are worse..
- so.. are you happy?
- (silence) guess so (smile)
- and.. what about the father?
- yea, he's around. (silence). but I'm not going to get married..
- No?
- No. I don't want to. Definetly don't want to. Maybe in two or three years, but not now.
- And what does the family say?
- Ah, they didn't say anything..
- No?
- No. My parents are no longer alive. I grew up with my sisters. Now I live with my auntie. She fell sick and had no one to take care of her, so I came down to Lusaka to care for her.
- So do you have people to help you? To show you what to do?
- yea, but i don't want that. It's my baby, so I don't want people telling me You must do this and that..
- and are you still going to be able to work here?
- hmm yea, but after four months or so.
- who is going to take care of the baby?
- i dont know, I'll hire someone, a girl, and then when i come home from work I will take care of her. Anyway, I want to go back to school. You remember last time you were here, I was at school and finished first level. I passed, so know I want to go to second level.
- that's great. so you'll be working, going to school ánd have a baby?
- (smile) yea, in fact, people keep telling me that I should stay with the baby all the time, but I don't want to!
- so, how old are you now?
- ... twenty-two (smile), and in fact, the guy keeps saying we should get married, but i don't want to.
- why not?
- ah, me - i don't trust men.
- no?
- no. and i don't want to get married because there will be a baby. Maybe two or three years after, but not now. Then when there will be trouble, we will say, ah we only got married because of the baby, and i don't want that. marriage.. no, not yet. i see so much trouble.. i don't want to be dependant on a man. me i want to be independant, it's my baby, and i want to care for it and make the decisions.
- do you know if it's a boy or a girl?
- no, but i think its a boy.
- how do you know?
- (smile) i don't know, i just think so. if it's a boy, the boy is going to give him the name. if it's a girl, I will give her the name. I'm still looking for names, I don't want anything ordinary, I want something special. I've got three names now, but I'm still looking. And then i want to give her a local name too, a name from my tribe, people keep saying I should give her a local name.. but i will only give it as an initial! (smile)
- is there a naming ceremony? I mean traditionally, like if she is born on a certain day she has to have a certain name? Which tribe are you?
- Lozi. and about tradition, me I don't know. I don't know what they do in the village. Me - I've never been in the village.

We went on for a bit, and she never asked me for money...