On Idols & Missing the point
(orignially written as a comment to a Firefly post)

never touch your idols, the gilt wil rub off on your hands?

or should we refrain from idolising altogether? we know better than to invest such expectant adoration in human beings, fallable beings.

To love, and not to put another on a pedestal, thereby creating distance, and no longer standing level footed on common ground.
To love, and not to allow intimidation by the perceived perfection of idols made by your own hand, heart and reverence. and insecurity.
To love.

In wise books of old, idolatry is a said to be a Sin.

I dont believe that 'idols' in the gnostic sense refers to statues of silver and gold, that are worshipped above an external allmighty god, but rather any being or object that you put higher than the godliness in yourself.

I don't believe the orginal meaning of 'sin' is "transgression of the law of God (1 John 3:4) and rebellion against God (Deuteronomy 9:7; Joshua 1:18)", but rather in its original (greek?) meaning to refer to "to miss the mark, or "to stray from the path".

And that makes sense to me.
By placing someone or something else above your own Godliness (see Krishnamurti and so many more) you miss the mark, you are bound to stray from the path to self-knowledge and truth.

We shouldnt idolise others, its not good for us, and its not good for those on the pedestal. When they fall off, either by their own doing or by the other's unmet inflated expectation, its hurts. On both sides.

When both parties idolise the other, for whatever reason, as has been known to happen, it can only lead to pain.

I have over the years created a large part of my identity around someone i have idolised, and with sustained physical distance, i have kept the idol on the pedestal, and polished and polished and polished her shine. it has increased my reverence, and decreased my comfort to share daily earthly human fallacies; it has increased distance and insecurity on my part, and decreased the truthful and realistic foundation for friendship.

I don't want to idealise or idolise.
I need to learn to work with what's real.
Because what is real is good, and has enough godliness in it to feed my need for reverence and beauty.

Brave country
(from an email from a friend who works for the dutch ministry of foreign affairs)

"It is grey but not too cold in Kabul. Our armoured Mercedes takes us to the hotel.
On the way a woman crosses the street in a blue bhurka right in front of the car.
“Brave woman” I say.
Then a dog crosses, equally close: "Brave dog" I say.
Then a family of three crosses and makes it against all odds.
“Brave family” my colleague Viola says.
Then our Afghan driver smiles and says: “ Brave country.”
Those words alone were worth this trip.

ben's humour, priceless

lost tribes

a melancholy in the eyes, a recognition.
an almost stranger, a familiarty.

'i believe in lost tribes' he said, people that belong together, people that recognise it in eachother. age doesnt matter, people that have lived full lives, of long full years, younger people, without similar marks of time on their soul. yet somehow, we seem to belong to the same tribe.

biological families are different. you build those with mates that are your opposite in many ways, that way you bring forth socially viable progeny. socially viable progeny.
but others connect to you differently, strangers, by picking up on a look in your eyes. a sadness. a melancholy.
distant yet recognisable.
instant comfort. instant connection. a member of your lost tribe.

nothing wrong with opposites. the world needs socially viable progeny.
its a noble venture. i want socially viable progeny.
but i can't do without my tribe.

did you find a member of your tribe in paris like you sensed you would?

trust or faith?

what is vertrouwen? what is Vertrauen?
trust or faith?
what did i take with me, what intention did i speak out loud.
what did i mean.
and where has it gone.

i said it on sunday afternoon, i felt it on sunday night.
i felt it on monday morning, and it took me places.
i lost it on monday night. i wept for it on tuesday.
i forgot about it on wednesday.
i moved on on thursday.
i longed for it on friday.
i spoke about it on saturday.
i put it behind me on sunday.
i missed it on monday.
i could relativise it on tuesday.
its making me sad again today.

i closed my eyes and thought about trust.
i picked a card. random.
it was Trust.

That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you... why should one be afraid of its being taken away? It cannot be taken away, there is no possibility. You cannot lose your real treasure.

The Truth of Cards

On Saturday night I chose a card from the stack - it was 17. Silence. And it was perfect.
I had come back from Ghana, I had been quiet on the ride home, I hadnt felt the need to speak, I hadnt felt the need to be present by way of conversation. I was on the boat, and the exercise made me long for silence, for concentration - the chattering and laughing of fellow seekers was irritating me. Yet i could let it go - I heard it, and could not hear it. I could stay here and now, and concentrate. And lose my irritation, and leave that with them.

A little later that night, i picked this card.
"the energy of the whole has taken possession of you. You are possessed, you are no more, the whole is. This moment, as the silence penetrates in you, you can understand the significance of it, because it is the same silence that Gautam Buddha experienced. It is the same silence that Chuang Tzu or Bodhidharma or Nansen.... The taste of the silence is the same. Time changes, the world goes on changing, but the experience of silence, the joy of it, remains the same. That is the only thing you can rely upon, the only thing that never dies. It is the only thing that you can call your very being." (Osho Zen: The Diamond Thunderbolt Chapter 1)

Commentary: The silent, mirrorlike receptiveness of a star-filled night with a full moon is reflected in the misty lake below. The face in the sky is deep in meditation, a goddess of the night who brings depth, peace and understanding. Now is a very precious time. It will be easy for you to rest inside, to plumb the depths of your own inner silence to the point where it meets the silence of the universe. There's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and the quality of your inner silence permeates everything you do. It might make some people uncomfortable, accustomed as they are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind; seek out those who can resonate with your silence - or enjoy your aloneness. Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life.

The next day we spoke of relationships, of ideal partners. We shared and we recognised the obstacle that is the concept of 'ideal'. I spoke of my longing for a shared existence, not in all aspects, but just the basics - participate with me in my dreams, when i talk of the moon; participate with me in work, when i explain my reality. Listen and be interested. Participate, just a little, and I will be open.

Later during a break, with the theme of ideal partner/relationship in mind, we drew another card. I picked 4: Participation
"Have you ever seen night going? Very few people even become aware of things which are happening every day. Have you ever seen the evening coming? The midnight and its song? The sunrise and its beauty?

We are behaving almost like blind people. In such a beautiful world we are living in small ponds of our own misery. It is familiar, so even if somebody wants to pull you out, you struggle. You don't want to be pulled out of your misery, of your suffering. Otherwise there is so much joy all around, you have just to be aware of it and to become a participant, not a spectator.

Philosophy is speculation, Zen is participation. Participate in the night leaving, participate in the evening coming, participate in the stars and participate in the clouds; make participation your lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe."(Osho Zen: The Miracle Chapter 2)

Commentary: Each figure in this mandala holds the left hand up, in an attitude of receiving, and the right hand down, in an attitude of giving. The whole circle creates a tremendous energy field that takes on the shape of the double dorje, the Tibetan symbol for the thunderbolt.
The mandala has a quality like that of the energy field that forms around a buddha, where all the individuals taking part in the circle make a unique contribution to create a unified and vital whole. It is like a flower, whose wholeness is even more beautiful than the sum of its parts, at the same time enhancing the beauty of each individual petal. You have an opportunity to participate with others now to make your contribution to creating something greater and more beautiful than each of you could manage alone. Your participation will not only nourish you, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.

there are many lessons to learn here for me
much karma that might be coming back my way
jealousy i might have caused in other women
a role i might have played in creating longing for me in men whose women were then made to feel insecure, about their men's love for them, about their own worth, about the ever present battle between attraction based on externalities, and value based on the inside.
its coming back to me now, and as i feel hurt and sad, images thoughts and memories come to mind in which i surely will have played a part in causing hurt and sadness in other women, consciously or unconsciously.
i had always thought that, since i wasnt doing anything on purpose, since was just being expressive, confident, strong, enthusiastic, lighthearted and such, i wasnt flirting or trying to seduce, that the responsibility then lies with the men - that they should keep their attraction in check; that they should consider the women they made committments to, that they should be strong and conscious of whats going on inside them, and to manage it. I didn't want to take responsibility for it, and I still don't think that would be right. To make oneself different or smaller or less enthused by life and conversation, to 'save' the other? Because I have known and felt this genuine way of mine to be attractive to some men, to then stop being genuine?
Men feel attracted to confident, strong, inspired women - yes. And there are many strong wonderful women out there that inspire flights of fancy in men without intending to do so. I know a good many of them myself - beautiful women, in & out, cream of the crop. Should we therefore stop being ourselves? No. The men are responsible for their own flights of fancy, and the consequences thereof. The men should be clear and strong and aware.
And now it happened to me.
Do I blame the girl? No, I saw it happen. She did nothing. She was simply strong and extrovert and bubbly.
But the gnawing question remains, where is karma in this?

i am sure there are also lessons for me to learn about ego, about losing ego or not letting it make an issue bigger than it is, about not letting ego rear its ugly head, and when it has already done so, not to let it keep its claws in my mood or state of mind.
letting ego go, paying it no mind, killing it by ignoring it. i know that you keep alive whatever you feed, and by feeling upset and hurt and jealous, i feed ego.
and i know thats not the way. i know better than that. but still im doing it.
how easy things are to read, to understand, to think about and recognise their truth and value, and then when it comes to applying, the more basic human behaviour takes hold, takes posessesion, despite knowing how it works, despite recognising what is going on.

a book i read while in ghana says that recognising what is going on while it happens, being cognisant of unconscious behaviour when you slip into it, that awareness is the most important bit. its the beginning of change, of coming out of unconscious behaviour to being present, conscious and aware. I am aware of it, so i hope that one day ill be able to let go of ego entirely.

and for the sadness that isnt caused by ego but rather by fear, or is it fear caused by sadness - i need another wise book. Suggestions?

Here comes Ghana (in the words of the sports commentator)
What a night - Bob Marley's birthday and the Ghana-Nigeria game..
and Frieda's birthday, and the start of lady dee's birthdat across the other side of the world.
so many reasons to celebrate, the births of such wonderful people, the stars are promising in this alignment and one should congratulate any new lucky parents :)

after a hot first half that didnt bring home any goals for either side, the great dreams that my temporary fellow countrymen had for the greatness of the Ghana Black Stars did not look promising. 2-1 was the prediction, Sherif had seen it in his dream. I wasn't going to go see him for any sangoma practices..

while swaying gently to some liberation rhyme and rythms, watching denise network her way into the jamaican ladies club, suddenly the first cries of joy of the second half. many raced to the tv screen, the jamaicans stayed put. chatting. not long after another cry, perhaps louder and more sustained. and then more again!
Ghana 3 - Nigeria 0.

~ yoepieeee Ghana Black Stars ~
~ yoepieeee bob marley ~

the thick bass continued to throb, the melody carrying us higher, and the score better than anyone had been expectin.
Laryea Kingston 50min, Sulley Muntari 53min, Junior Agogo 60min made it 3-0 for the stars. Taiwo Taye pulled one back for Nigeria in the 65 minute through a penalty kick, before substitute, JoeTex Frimpong, put the result beyond doubt with a fouth goal in the 74min.

What a night. What fever for the Africa Cup of Nations which Ghana will host in January 2008. I have seen the transformation of the dusty town of Tamale, with it new stadium towering in the bright sunlight high above any other building in town. Ghana, January 2008. Block your calendars. It'll be hot.

Oh and of course, its Ghana @ 50 this year!!
Happy Birthyear Ghanaaaaaaaaa!!!!

There's no poetry between us
Said the paper to the pen
I get nothing for my troubles
But the ink beneath my skin

Yes, it was full moon.
(Thursday, October 26, 2006)







Yes, it was the Palace of a former Warlord, Palazzo Colonna
(family history here)

Check Check.
Though many other questions yet remain unanswered.

Presby's Makin it Work

Up front: What I'm about to say is not founded in thorough research and not meant to inflame the usual heated debates around religions and streams within same religions..

But a conversation triggered me to ask more questions to myself, read up a little more on something I knew nothing about, and kept me intrigued since.

So I will share my intrigue publicly, or well, with my captive audience, since this isnt quite the CNN or Al-Jazeera website..

I was having lunch with staff from a Ghanaian organisation that we work with, which is an association of church-based development projects. They asssist church stations, often located far from district towns or urban centres, who in trun work with rural communities to improve agricutural practices, health services, social services and the like. The association is open to all church-based development projects, and thus has a variety of members - some catholic, others evangelical, other methodist, others presbyterian and so on. Not being familiar with the many differences between the various streams - some significant, others less so - I wondered whether this hub could see whether any of the streams or denominations were more successful at their development programmes than others.

Suspecting that this was a tricky question to ask, i nevertheless wanted to know. So asked it. (I'm an Aries, don't blame me..)

I could tell by my partner's hesitation that there was something to tell, but he was reluctant, understandably so. My one lunch partner subscribes to the catholic church, the other methodist.

The catholic admitted that he could see a clear difference, at least when it comes to the agriculture/livelihoods programmes.

The Presby's take the cake.

The level of professionalism and success of their programmes stands high above similar programmes set up and managed by other churches.

Hmmmm. Now. Why may that be so? What is it about the Presbyterian church?

I don't know the first thing about it, so your thoughts are very welcome!

Some excerpts from the great wikipedia might point to some root causes, although I'd have to investigate all the other streams and compare them in these stances.. (triggers those Phd juices in comparative belief systems again..)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Presbyterian

Local congregations are governed by Presbyteries made up of representatives of the local congregations, a conciliar approach which is found at other levels of decision-making. There are therefore no bishops in Presbyterianism. The office of elder is another distinctive mark of Presbyterianism: these are specially commissioned non-clergy who take part in local pastoral care and decision-making at all levels.

Presbyterians place great importance upon education and continuous study of the scriptures, theological writings, and understanding and interpretation of church doctrine embodied in several statements of faith and catechisms formally adopted by various branches of the church. It is generally considered that the point of such learning is to enable one to put one's faith into practice; most Presbyterians generally exhibit their faith in action as well as words, by generosity, hospitality, and the constant pursuit of social justice and reform, as well as proclaiming the gospel of Christ.

Could the inclusion of non-clergy from the community in the council of elders, and the focus on community well-being aspects that are not necessarily a product of faith in the Christian church (generosity, hospitality..) have anything to do with it? How is this then different from traditional forms of governance, where such council of elders do include persons to represent different aspects of community life and their general common objective is the socio-sentient well-being of the community?
If these are conducive elements in the Presby structure and objective of the church, and they are not or less present in the Catholic, or Methodist, or what-have-you churches, and if these elements are comparable to traditional governance structures.. then can't we assume that working in a similar fashion with traditional societies could have produced similar results? I'm cutting many corners I know, but I am always wondering to what extent the imposition of Western religious (or now non-religious) structures on traditional ones is necessary to achieve what we aim to achieve.
And so i keep going round in circles.

An interesting small book to read about relationships in traditional communities in West African (Dagara) society is this, reminding us that relationships are often not chosen by ourselves, but rather brought about by spirit because the combination of two people have something to offer - not just for ourselves, but for the community, for the world. this relates not only to partners we chose, but to our friends, our family, our working relationships etc. Next time you wonder why on earth this person came into your life and stayed, think back to spirit. I'm not sure what the Presby's woudl think of that though. Unless spirit is god and god is spirit.
I'll stop here.

Full moon
Friday, beginning of February 2007, tonight, will be the first full moon that I witness consciously in this new year. I couldn’t escape it Wednesday night, my first night back in Tamale, this dusty provincial town, when the night approached, and the receding daylight allowed the majesty of the moon to be seen. Without looking for the moon specifically, I was drawn towards it, big and milky white, rising slowly above the Harmattan wind, that has swept up sand and dust from the desertous arid lands in this part of West Africa, and transported it over thousands of miles, heating it up during its travels, causing sneezing, dry throats, and an ever-present layer of red powder on clothes, faces, motorbike and taxi seats, plaguing the residents of these lands.

I wish I were as sensitive to the presence and the cycles of the moon at all times. It had escaped me when encircled by the hustle and bustle of Accra, with its non-stop traffic and built up surroundings, I suspect I never even looked up at the African night sky all those nights I was there. She catches my eye every now and then while coming home late from the office in the hague, walking between the tram stop and my home, past the old oak trees in front of my house, just before I slip into my door and leave the outside world behind me for another night.
Here however the moon caught me and didn’t release me for a while. Seeing her close to full but not entirely, I investigated when she would be full, or if that was a moment that belongs to history already. Tonight, Friday, February 2nd. 2007 she will be full and white and beautiful.

I want to experience the full moon more consciously, more deeply. I wish I were born into a society in which ritual plays a larger role. A moment in which with full awareness and appreciation, you set to pay homage – to a relationship, to spirit, to a longing, to thankfulness. To invest time in planning, preparing, getting excited, getting anxious, executing, and remembering ritual. There are so many events, influences, beings and objects of nature, people – some still with us and some departed for other cycles, that I would want to connect with through ritual. Yet, having been born into a part of the world and a time in our collective evolution in which ritual as an everyday part of life is a thing of the past, I avoid bringing it up, for fear of not knowing what to do,

and for fear of ridicule.

Instead I resort to planting seeds in my dear ones’ mind, being far away and sowing my longing via text messages, at safe distance from having to directly experience ridicule.

The day after tomorrow, Friday, the moon will be full.
Shall we agree to meet here, in Tamale,
And sleep in the warm outdoors,
To hold each other,
And stare at the moon and the stars all night?
Perhaps to make love in the moonlight,
And pay homage to the mysticism of the moon goddess?
Our own ritual of love, imbibed by the strength of her power,
Oh what beauty I would find therein.